We cannot love and be loved until we learn to accept ourselves. It is not so easy to remove the fake masks, accept loved ones and find those who value us as we are. How to learn to love yourself or to return this love if it was lost?
Mental state is part of our health, no less important than our physical condition. Anxiety, fears, a constant desire to prove something to ourselves and others are a false facade, behind which we cover problems.
These problems can and should be solved in order to ultimately give yourself the opportunity to just live without envy and worry in vain, feeling inside joy as an endless source of energy.
The search for the meaning of life is one of the signs that not everything is in order. For a harmonious person, meaning appears itself – from feelings, sensations and experiences. But inner harmony will not arise on its own. The basis for it can either be laid in childhood, or acquired already in adulthood. The second option will require a conscious effort.
In childhood, our emotions, desires and feelings are most vivid and pure. During this period, the foundation of the whole future life is formed. However, in these years we are not independent: we are dependent on parents, relatives, educators and older comrades.
If a child was refused support and love, if he didn’t have an outlet, there was no way out for negative emotions — and in childhood everything is very bright, even pain — then such an attack on the child’s “I” will lead to the appearance of protective mechanisms of the psyche. A strong but unreal “I” is formed, with which the child hides from the world.
The real “I” remains lonely and unappreciated by anyone, which gives rise to many internal conflicts
Having lost his “I” behind a pile of masks, a person begins by all possible means to prove to himself and others the importance of a false, fake self.
At the same time, the real “I” remains lonely and unappreciated by anyone, which gives rise to many internal conflicts. Therefore, external success is often associated with severe internal pain.
The problem is aggravated by the fact that even by subjugating others, creating a seemingly favorable environment around him, a person with a true “I” driven inside cannot receive real love from others until he loves himself.
The ability to feel, love and accept oneself is the basis that subsequently allows you to fall in love with someone else and accept love from others.
Not accepting ourselves, we block the source of our feelings, replacing them with gray fakes. As a result, we destroy both our own personality and the personalities of the people around us.
At the same time, we always feel pain, but it is driven inside, and then makes us hurt others.
This circle is endless, and there is only one way out of it – love.
To love is to allow yourself to be yourself. Remove false identities, abandon the protection built over years, accept your loved ones, find those who value you, not your masks. To regain love is not an easy job. But the result is worth any effort. I propose to do an exercise from body therapy, which will help you learn to respect and love yourself and your body. This is a practice based on the exercises of Alexander Lowen.
1. START TO VALUE YOUR BODY
Divide the sheet of paper in half to make two columns. On one side, list 20 features that you value in your body: long neck, strong shoulders, thick hair, good digestion system, strong arms, large breasts, good eyesight, excellent coordination, graceful fingers, etc.
If you can’t list 20, write ten. If this is a lot, then write five. And if it’s hard to list at least five, find at least two features (but no less).
After doing this, in another column, add only one thing that you do not like in your body. Take a look at your list. And allow yourself to value the body more than to judge.
2. DRAIN NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
If it’s difficult for you to create such a list, make a positive statement about your body, even if it seems strange: for example, “I love my stomach”. Then write down each critical statement opposite to it, until you exhaust all negative thoughts.
Having done this, repeat the positive statement and try to add one more to it.
3. REDISCOVER YOUR BODY
Close your eyes and carefully go through your thoughts from top to bottom and from bottom to top. Is there a part that you slipped too fast? Is there anything that you have rejected and not included in your body image? Is there an area that you don’t feel, perhaps without even knowing that you rejected it?
Is there anything you dislike and call abominable or disagreeable? Pay attention to this area. Does she have a distinctive feature: color, sound, appearance, temperature, structure, density, tension, or any other sensations?
4. FILL YOURSELF WITH LOVE
Now, with each breath, fill your heart with energy from any sacred source in which you believe. On each exhalation, direct love from the heart to a rejected or insensitive area. Breathe until you notice a change.
Do you feel relaxed? Do you feel compassion for yourself? Has the color, quality, image or sensation of the rejected area changed?
Try to repeat the exercise every day for a week. To consolidate the result, it is advisable to do the exercise 40 days without interruption.